A Total power exchange dynamic. A lot of vanillas see this dynamic in the BDSM community and they cry abuse. However, this dynamic is nowhere near abusive if done right. What is a TPE (Total power exchange), how does it work, why do people seem to mix it up with abuse, and what is important to remember when in a TPE?
To start, Total power exchange is when a submissive gives complete control to their dominant. This is consensual, of course, the sub knows what they are getting into and they are safe throughout the dynamic. Total power exchange can be very fulfilling to both parties, making it feel like their roles have more meaning than just in the bedroom, because this type of play is a 24/7 thing, so you really get to be in your sub role and the dom gets to really get into theirs. A Master/slave relationship is more likely to do this than say DD/lg, Dom/sub, or an Owner/pet relationship, not to say that those don’t happen, but it’s just more common.
In a TPE The dominant may pick what you wear, what your finances are, your career, your diet, what you do, what you clean, etc. The dom will put rules into place that are solid, and normally they will have protocols to discipline the sub when they break said rules. There will be many instances where the sub is not paying any of the bills, so they have to clean, or pleasure the dominant. These sorts of things are covered in contracts that detail boundaries, civil agreements, and other things like that. If you’ve seen 50 Shades you might remember the contact scene. There aren’t a lot of cases like that (if any), but it should definitely be more than a conversation and should be something that is satisfying to all parties involved - as long as what was agreed upon is not disrespected.
You see, and this is why a lot of vanillas will look at the dynamic and assume that it’s abusive, because they don't see what’s behind closed doors. That’s why there are usually contracts put in place, boundaries laid out, and rules set in place. If a sub breaks a rule then they are going to get a punishment, right? Well if, say, the sub didn’t break any rules but just makes the dom upset and punishes that sub because they were annoyed then that’s when lines begin to be crossed. If dom is abusing their power, going against your boundaries on purpose, or has no respect or concern for their submissives wellbeing then that submissive has the opportunity to leave. If that sub does not feel as though they can’t handle it, if they don’t feel safe, or that things have gotten out of hand then they should leave. Especially if they have voiced their concerns to the dom and they don’t stop. This relationship is supposed to be about trust and safety should be the most important thing in that relationship (or any really).
You should keep in mind that this relationship is not very easy to transition into. You should get to know and trust the Dominant you give control over to. TPE usually doesn’t have hard or soft limits or safewords, so you need to communicate that to your partner so that they know not to cross that line. Also, even though the dominant may have complete control over the sub that does not mean that the submissive has to stay in the relationship, there should always be an out if the submissive wants that out. The Dominate usually can do anything sexual to the sub as long as it’s in their boundaries. The dom can punish you in a way that is fair and fit or just for their pleasure, as long as it is warranted. Online relationships with TPE do exist, but it is not as fulfilling as it would be in person, it’s very hard to maintain and to keep track of the sub, so even though it is possible it is very difficult.
Total power exchanges can seem scary, and you should definitely trust the person before letting them have complete control over you. It’s a dynamic that can be very fulfilling and can be very fun as long as you have an open mind. Say you and a sexual partner are just feeling like you aren’t as satisfied because you only act on your roles during sexual play, or even if you love BDSM it just seems to become less exciting when only doing it during certain times. A total power exchange could be the perfect way to fix that! The Dominate is being a full-on 24/7 Dominant with giving out orders, putting in strict rules and other protocols, and still caring and looking after the submissive. The submissive is taking orders, following - or disobeying - rules, and they satisfy their partner as their needs are also being satisfied (in more than one way). Doing this can also make the partners set goals for themselves and in what they want from this whole experience. It could be the submissive wanting to save money or wanting to become more productive, then being in a TPE dynamic will not only give them an easier way to save money and give them a bit more structure to their everyday life by being a submissive 24/7 as they clean, take orders, and do tasks can help them move forward in your goals. For the Dominate it would probably be along the line of they want to work harder in their career or expanding on their work, having the submissive do tasks and helping them out with what they can can help the Dominate in their goals.
There will be vanillas that will look down on it, but just remember that as long as nothing abusive is happening and everyone is safe, sane, and it’s all consensual, then it’s all good.