The sting of a paddle, his hand slapping across my face, the stripes from a cane--all of those things bring me serenity. Yes, it feels unbearable at times (or rather, most of the time) but that only makes me crave it more. I always find myself slightly disappointed when he stops. And I'm not exactly sure why because a second earlier I was praying in my head for this hit to be the last...but I never actually mean it. Whenever that last blow comes, I always turn around and ask for more.
If I'm feeling anxious, upset, or any other strong emotion, receiving pain helps to bring me back to a neutral ground. It's almost meditative and can calm me down versus throwing me into a sense of panic.
Pain is my therapy and my center.